


Guilty Pleasures

by wingedlioness



Series: bunny comedy [4]
Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Fluff, Satire, silliness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-19
Updated: 2016-02-19
Packaged: 2018-05-21 16:49:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,958
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6058732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wingedlioness/pseuds/wingedlioness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Princess and the Pirate: an undeniable attraction between enemies, thrown together against Dark Magic and against all odds finding that perhaps love is much more powerful than hate then they ever could've imagined...</p><p>**Not at all what it seems**</p>
            </blockquote>





	Guilty Pleasures

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ael_tRlailiiu](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ael_tRlailiiu/gifts), [scapeartist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/scapeartist/gifts), [Zengoalie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zengoalie/gifts), [brooke2broch](https://archiveofourown.org/users/brooke2broch/gifts), [PhiraLovesLoki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhiraLovesLoki/gifts), [miscreant_rose](https://archiveofourown.org/users/miscreant_rose/gifts), [passing-fanciful (kageygirl)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kageygirl/gifts).



> THINGS ARE NOT WHAT THEY SEEM.  
> I promise.
> 
> Also please please read the end notes.

The blonde threw her head back, the dark-haired pirate taking his chance to lap at her neck furiously. The scorching heat grew in her belly even as his length strained against his leather trousers. As he let up on his ministrations, she pulled back to see his crystal blue eyes blown black with desire, gazing up at her through his unfairly long eyelashes. Her chest heaved, bosom trembling as her whole body ached from his torturous touch. As his saliva dripped down her collarbone she couldn’t help but wonder, how in all the realms had she wound up about to bed her hated enemy?

 

_The princess felt her jaw go slack when her mother ushered in none other than the dreaded Captain Hook._

_"You want me to pretend to be married? To_ **_that_ ** _?" she hissed._

_He gave her a mocking bow as her mother took her arm and wheeled her to the side._

_"You agreed to this remember? We are backing out of a marriage alliance with the most powerful sorcerer in the land. You told us you would be ok with sullying your reputation as long as it meant peacefully breaking the arrangement."_

_The blonde shook her head viciously, yet unwilling to concede the inevitable staring contest she and the captain had started. He was easy on the eyes, mesmerizing even, with his black hair and clear blue eyes. She'd often wondered what marks the scruff on his chin would make on her thighs. She longed to see the smirk on his face replaced with pleading as she tortured him slowly, taking him in her mouth enough to tease, denying him release..._

_That was the problem. The bastard knew he was attractive, was probably the sort to use a mirror during because there's no way a partner could match his attractiveness. And as his eyebrow flitted up, she knew he could see what she was thinking. She could feel the blush spreading across her cheeks._

_When he brought his hand up to scratch behind his ear, thus granting her victory in their impromptu contest, she realized that the queen had been speaking to her._

_"- and you two are not to leave this room until you figure it out."_

_With that her mother nodded decisively and stalked regally out the door, locking it behind her._

_"Well love, it seems we have some brainstorming to do," he said._

_"I am not your love, idiot," she bit back at him._

_The glint in his eyes sparked to a flame as he invaded her personal space._

_"Oh but aren't you, love? The adventure-seeking Princess, caught by the roguish charm of the dashing Captain Hook? Forced to wed after having seduced him into her bed? Sounds quite like you, love."_

_She reached to push him away, hands faltering when they reached his firm chest, her fingers brushing the beguiling dark hair._

_She swallowed nervously, "you_ **_mean_ ** _the dastardly Captain Hook who kidnapped the brave princess and forced her to choose payment of her return with either her body or her riches. And she, selflessly, offered her body as not to impoverish her parents' kingdom further."_

_"And he, so moved by her act, dropped his bluff and insisted she take his bed without him, no payment necessary to return the Lost Princess to her bereft family." He pressed further into her with each word, the air between them crackling with unbridled lust._

_Instead of replying she grabbed his jacket and hauled him to her, teeth and tongues clashing in a desperate, and long overdue, battle._

 

The rough fingers squelching between her thighs brought her back to the here and now. He grinned up at her victoriously as he pressed his fingers into her sopping heat. Her knees trembled as the sounds of their fevered foreplay echoed through her bedchamber. It’s not like he was unattractive, quite the opposite in fact. And he knew it, the bastard. From the moment she saw him, he swaggered and smirked and sauntered his way past her defenses. All she had wanted was to get home to her parents after defeating the Evil Queen in her own lair. She had thought a pirate captain would get her what she wanted, they were easily bought after all.

He paused in disbelief. He couldn’t believe the blonde vixen that had been making his life a living hell was finally pliant and willing in his arms. He had dreamed about burying his ding-dong in her from the moment he had laid eyes on her. The sunlight had caught in her golden hair, her emerald eyes flashing defiantly as she had sought out a captain to demand passage back to her kingdom. He knew a challenge when he saw one and in their first encounter, she did not disappoint. The blonde’s words had been barbed and cutting, he had been all arrogance and swagger that he was surprised when their impromptu sword fight to grant her passage hadn’t ended in his cabin that first day. This forced fake marriage was the perfect way to finally give in to the seething tension between them. He knew that the sex was going to be amazing; the princess was a true temptress.

She keened as his hook cut through her soaked smallclothes, the tattered fabric fluttering to the floor. He tugged her bodice below her pert boobs, exposing the hardened nipples to the cool air and allowing him full access to lavish his attention there. The wanton princess huffed when she saw that the black-haired man had yet to remove any of his clothing. If they were doing this, she was going to finally learn what was truly under that heavy leather coat and those deliciously tight leather pants.

She shoved him away commandingly and yanked his coat over his broad shoulders. Now that his talented mouth was no longer occupied, the devilishly handsome pirate started talking dirty to her, making her impossibly wetter.

"Aggressive, aren't we love? Can't wait to see the goods? I can hardly blame you, love, I am quite the specimen. You'll never be able to look at another man, love. I'm going to mark you, make you mine. I can't wait to devour your quim, to bury my face in your sopping wet heat. And only when you beg for mercy, love, will I ride you. I'll push my hot cock into you and we'll spend the night seeing how many different ways you can ride me with that enticing body. You'd like that, wouldn't you, love? Shall we see how many times you can cum in one night?"

She was shivering from the effect his words had, she could hardly breathe. At last she freed his torso from his many layers and ran her hands along his firm, toned chest, finally shutting him up as she tweaked his nipples. She pressed her fingers along the dark hair that disappeared into his tight trousers and followed the path, cupping his significant bulge.

“Show me what you’ve got, sailor,” she purred seductively.

He growled in response, toeing off his boots and sliding his pants down over his well-formed buttocks. She wet her lips before he turned her and pushed her against the wall, yanking her skirt up out of the way. The pirate slid his throbbing member into the princess’s weeping center and she groaned at the perfection of his intrusion. She braced herself against the wall as he slammed into her over and over again, orgasm building tightly in her belly. She cried out as he used his hook to trace along her spine and around to her bundle of nerves.

“That’s it Princess, let me hear you. Cry out for me, love, drag me over the edge with you,” he purred in her ear.

She whimpered as he thrust impossibly faster and harder, giving her exactly what she needed. Her knees began to wobble and lights danced in her vision, the intensity of her climax nearly blinding her. As her walls clenched and quivered around him, he followed her with a shout, their sexes spasming together.

“That was…”

“Not a one time thing,” she managed to croak.

She turned in his embrace and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him in for a searing kiss. He grinned widely at her as they pulled apart, their mingled release dribbled down her thigh -

 

"-lian? Killian!"

Killian nearly dropped the book as Emma's voice startled him back to reality.

"Ah, sorry Swan. What do you require?"

She made her way over to his side, "what on earth are you so engrossed in?"

"This captivating fiction, detailing the 'adventures' of a princess and her pirate." He waved the book at her, letting her pluck it from his hands in disbelief.

Killian began stroking her thigh bemusedly as Emma plopped down on the armrest beside him.

"No way," she whispered.

Killian enjoyed watching the flush creep up her neck. He couldn’t help but grin as he noted the flickering of battling emotions as she floundered for words.

“Where the hell did you find this?”

“From the last of the boxes you hadn’t bothered to unpack after New York,” he replied.

She stiffened momentarily before groaning and slipping into his lap, hiding her head in the crook of his neck. He chuckled softly, nuzzling her hair as she curled in on him.

“Now I know why you never answered when I asked if you missed me. I see you had a pirate to keep you company during our time apart .”

Emma smacked him, finally meeting his eyes.

“If you ever want to get laid again, you’re going to forget you saw this.”

Killian stroked his chin thoughtfully before making a successful grab for the novel.

“You’re absolutely certain you don’t want me to ...what was that phrase? Ah yes, plunder your hidden depths?”

Untangling herself from his embrace, she stood decisively.

“Fine,” she said. “Take me back to ‘The Jolly’ and have your wicked way with me.”

The smirk faded instantly.

“That’s not funny, Swan,” he managed to croak.

“What? You don’t want to give me the full tour of your ‘boat’? I’m so hurt…”

She pouted mischievously as she leaned over him.

He stiffened, “her name is The Jolly Roger, Emma, and she is a ship. As you well know. You don’t disrespect a vessel in such a manner.”

“It’s just a boat, Killian. It’s not like it knows.”

His mouth gaped open in disbelief.”But _I_ know, Swan. And _she’s_ my _ship._ I cannot allow her to be disparaged, even by you.”

“Then you won’t be needing this,” she said brightly and plucked the book from his hands in triumph.

“Oi! I haven’t finished that yet!”

Emma danced out of range, laughing maniacally. Killian snarled and rose menacingly from the couch.

“I’m just saving your and your ship’s delicate sensibilities, Captain. You would be horrified at her treatment.”

Emma smiled impishly at the flame in Killian’s stare, tensing her legs to be ready to retreat the moment he moved.

“I will get to those dog-eared pages you so desperately wish to keep from me, lass,” he kept his eyes trained on hers as they slowly began circling the living room. “But you shall get the distraction you seek first.”

His tongue darted out along his lips and Emma couldn’t stop her eyes from straying down, giving him the moment he needed to lunge for her...

 

Henry paused on the porch. Giggling carried out the door, answered by a growl and thumping footfalls...and accompanying moans.

Henry adjusted his backpack and marched straight back down the steps. Hopefully Robin would finally let him teach Roland how to play Diablo. He had a sudden urge to lose himself in a world far far away.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, here's the thing. This was both massively fun and incredibly hard to write. The novel was built out of discussions with the OYAT ladies about things that we are guilty of, purposeful redundancies, and my attempts to both parody and pay homage to the thousands of harlequin romance novels out there.  
> I...kind of want to write more. I know how it ends in the "real world" and I full on admit I'd love to write more of the delightfully trashy novel for Killian to read.


End file.
